1. Way long ago, before there was Earth for walking, or woman to walk, there was Nothing; and the gods were bored;
2. And Heelyum said “Let's fuck,” and there was fucking. Hidro Jenn found pleasing the form of Oxy Jenn, and cometh unto her, and together they begat Wadder.
3. And the lustiness of Oxy Jenn was grand; so that she coupled with Iyearn to beget Rhust; with Fosforus to beget Fosfate; she combined even with herself, gayly begetting Ozoan (03);
4. Nitro Jenn and Hidro Jenn came together and begat Amoanya; Hidro Jenn, with a Karb-on begat Meth Ayn; and there was much begatting for billions of years, so that the tribe of Molly Cyools prospered and grew mightily.
5. And it came to pass that Molly Cyools filled the Nothing, so that there was Something; and it had the form of great clouds of dust and gas.
6. And it came to pass that awesome Gravidi formed Stars of the dust of the clouds, and with her breath set them to orbiting the heavens. And she formed Nebulae, and Galaxies, and Globular Clusters, and all kinds of Really Cool Shit.
7. Around and amongst the Really Cool Shit moved grains of dust, and they were alone, and yearned for their own kind; and the grains did gather together in the heavens, and formed clumps. Really big clumps; And they were called planets,
8. On the planets, there came together in great gatherings Meth Ayn, Amoanya, Wadder and all the Molly Cyools; and between them they raised up an atmosphere, and it was good. And one of the planets was called Earth, and it was the goodest one of all.
9. Beneath the atmosphere dwelt Molly Cyools of many kinds; and mighty Leck-Trisidi came down amongst them, so that she did beget the tribes of Ameano-ass Sid and the Pro-Teens, who had some great guitar riffs.
10. And these Molly Cyools did cleave together, each to their own kind; and they formed cells, and were communists, and it was good.
11. Now these are the generations of the daughters of Ameano-ass Sid: the tribe of Newcleic-ass Sid, their daughters Ribo and Deoxyribo.
12. Into this tribe came a marvelous work and a wonder, for Ribo, yea, and even Deoxyribo, reproduced, making new cells. Verily they gave birth to others of their kind, without any help from anybody; and they went forth and multiplied.
13. And it came to pass that they not only multiplied, they did all kinds of math, and raised themselves to the umpteenth power, so pretty soon the place was covered with them.
14. Truly the daughters of Newcleic-ass Sid filled the Earth; and there wast not room to breathe. In fact, there wast not air to breathe, because they shit so much oxygen out they poisoned the whole planet. Surely, there art a lesson here for those who hath wisdom.
15. The Cells, daughters of Sid, replenished the Earth, verily, and some went into the wilderness, yea, even onto dry land; and they fought over the land, and the biggest baddest Cells won, and took over, and they covered the Earth, both the land and the seas.
16. The least among the Cells began to hang together, for there is strength in numbers; and they became multicellular, and were critters. The critters vanquished their enemies, and they prospered. Soon the Earth was covered with critters. And they lived side by side with the Cells, and it was good.
17. Now the wise Eve O. Lewshun worked her magic on the critters, and helped them to prosper; by the grace of Eve O. some amongst them developed sharp teeth and claws, sharp eyes, and long legs for running; some developed stinky smells, and electric zappers, and poison spit and all kinds of weird stuff you'd never think of. Truly there is no limit to the wisdom of Eve O.
18. Now it came to pass that she helped some of the critters to become smart. The smart ones prospered, and became even smarter. Ere long they spread throughout the land; they drove the other critters before them. They were called Yoomins; and they filled the land with mighty works, even Pyramids, and Great Walls, and London.
19. And it came to pass that the Yoomins had dominion over every creepy thing that creepeth upon the Earth. Or thought they did. And whether it was good or not remains to be seen.