A Prophecy Fulfilled!

Surah 81 is titled "The Folding Up". Its very first line prophesizes,

81:1 when the sun is folded up,


I better not give these people ideas.

Seriously, these are just weird. If you were going to select one single word to represent a chapter, wouldn't you pick one you knew what it meant? How does one fold up the sun? Nobody knows. The same phrase turns up in chapter 39, and I found this explanation, "The word kuwwirat is passive voice from takvir in the past tense, and means 'that which is folded up"': Any questions?

Pickthall translates it as "overthrown." Any fool knows you can't fold up the sun, but overthrow it, no problem. What the hell? Why not translate it as "General Motors recalls their Irish rum?" or "the fairies screw the elves?"

Chapter 87 is called 'The Most High', for no better reason than the first line is 'praise the Lord most high.' Oh, wait,
"There is here in fact a message of great importance, not only for the Prophet, that he would be raised to the highest place to which man can rise, but for every man that, through the glorification of God, he can rise to the highest place to which he is capable of rising."

How did I miss that? I thought it was talking about the Lord being high, seeing as how THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS. If these were Rastafarians instead of Moslems I could read more into it, the Lord Bogarting a fattie of Matanuska Thunderfuck and blowing smoke to his prophets so they can 'be raised to the highest place to which man can rise', mon--but I'm just not creative enough.

Chapter 92 is 'The Night', and 89 is 'The Dawn', and it's oh so obvious, they tell me, that these are the dawning light of wisdom brought by the Prophet, dispelling the darkness of ignorance in which the infidels look unicorns Friday colorless green ideas. All it really is is more of Mo's pagan nature worship, "by the dawn, by the night, by the boobs of the goddess Uzza, by the labia of Lat, etc."

It seems "There is a great variety of opinion as to what is meant by the title and the first four verses of Surah 89". No shit. The verses say,

"I call to witness the dawn and the ten nights, the multiple and the one, the night as it advances,"

and then it asks, "is there not an evidence in this for those who have sense?"

NO, there's not, because when you look it up you find out that even the experts don't have the faintest idea of what any of it means. They could just as well have said,


Now is there not an evidence in that for those who have sense?

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