Veggie Terror

The war on Terra has expanded to include vegetables.  Petty bureaucrat and Official Pissant Kevin Rulkowski alerts us to this new growing threat that must be weeded out.  Undocumented vegetables springing up on Amurican soil, none of them have papers, they come in all colors, red, yellow, black and brown. None of them are Christian, and many are homosexual, even hermaphroditic. Some are outright fruits. Shamelessly they pursue their agenda, having indiscriminate sex publicly undermining our morals and the sanctity of marriage, which God intends to be between a man and a woman, not a melon. 

The new rules state that in the interest of National Security(TM) words will now be defined by the reigning local Pissant to mean just what he chooses it to mean -- neither more nor less.

Seriously, anything that is uncommon can't be allowed? That is some Sick Scary shit right there.
update: they dropped the charges. Not because it was pointed out to be specifically legal, but because they didn't like the whole world finding out what incredible assholes they are.  Assholes, like cockroaches, don't like the light of day.  


Ralf Muschall said...

I'd say the real pissants are the town's voters who brought such a crazy law into existence in the first place, and her neighbors who filed an official complaint. The bureaucrats just did what bureaucrats do - following orders and doing their paperwork.

Complaining about a bureaucrat who "does his job" is like complaining about being bitten by an abused snake - both beings can't be held responsible for doing what is their nature ;-)

uzza said...

Well yeah, but you missed the last paragraph that the law specifically says her garden is legal.

"Exempted from the provisions of this article, inclusive, are flower gardens, plots of shrubbery, vegetable gardens and small grain plots."

Nameless Cynic said...

The Trophy Wife's late father had a similar issue with simply planting tomatoes in their front yard, some 30 or so years ago. There was no law, so the government wasn't involved, conveniently.

One of his neighbors complained that he (the FiL) was "bringing down property values." Quite vocally, and to all the neighbors. Kept leaving letters complaining.

FiL's solution? Bought him off. With a bushel of tomatoes (had a bumper crop, and needed to do something with some of them).

I never understood why edible plants must be kept out of the sight of innocent chilluns, like we should be ashamed of them or something.