Where's Jesus?

Stolen from a christian site, which may explain the punctuation. Why are there clouds in the ocean? I have no idea.

According to Luke (2:41-48) Jesus had really bad parents. Get this, the kid's twelve years old, they go to a festival, and when they go home they FORGET THEIR KID! Not just a for a few minutes, either, they forgot him for the whole damn day.

“Where's Jesus?”

“I don't know, I thought you had him”

“Have you found Jesus?”

“No, I'm still searching for Jesus”

“Jesus Christ! Where is that kid?”

[you'll be amazed where Jesus is; click on that picture up there]

So they spend another day going all the way back where they came from, (ain't cell phones grand?). They don't find him, and that night Mary originates the famous bumper sticker “No Jesus, no piece.” They spend two more whole days looking for him, and then find him

2:46 … in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers.

Damn, what a relief! The kid's ok. After three days I'd be so worried, and then on top of that he's all Mr Child Genius, strutting his stuff, I'd be so proud of him, I'd be all over him, “Oh Jesus, we're so sorry, we're so proud of you, so happy to see you're ok, so glad you're all right, we were so worried, ...” it'd be sickening.

Is that how M&J reacted? Fuck no.

2:48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”

WTF? You treated Us?  That's right, blame the kid. It's his fault you forgot about him for a whole day, the little bastard, making you all anxious and shit. Got your pity suit on, we're supposed to feel sorry for you for abandoning your kid. Not even a word of praise for a twelve year old holding his own with the experts, either. Mary and Joseph, you suck.

Doesn't say they beat the shit out him, but they probably did. With parents like that it's no wonder he's got lost years, who'd wanna remember them? He most likely spent his whole childhood trying to please them and never could, and that's where he got his martyr complex, and ended up nailed to a cross.

Thanks, Mum and Dad, way to go.

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