Switzerland in the Quran

Since I'm studying the quran, whenever it makes the headlines I go all tingly like I knew stuff, like I was in the loop, instead of here in my mom's basement, typing on the internet.

This week, president Gaddafi, the Lead Lunatic of Libya, says the quran is against Switzerland. Who knew?

He's calling for a jihad against watches and pocket knives. Not a terrorism kind of jihad, cuz that'd be bad, y'unnerstand, only an armed struggle kind of jihad, cuz that's way different, somehow.

Muslims are supposed to go stop Swiss planes from landing, and Swiss ships from docking, and Swiss chocolates from melting in your mouth.

He tells me
Any Muslim in any part of the world who works with Switzerland is an apostate – is against Muhammad, God and the Qur'an”
Damn, I haven't come to that part yet. The Quran disses Switzerland? Must be in the last chapter.

Or maybe ... Mr Bad Hair is just throwing a tantrum. Those nasty old Swiss arrested his kid just for beating up the help, and now they won't let him build minarets. So he arrested some innocent dudes, took his 5 billion dollars and went home, and now he's telling his peeps Allah wants them to smite his mean old enemies. Where have we heard this before? The Fashion King of the Desert Sands can't just have a new Revelation, though, cuz the final edition is already out. Too bad.


Anonymous said...

You MUST repent and accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour or face Hellfire when you die.

uzza said...

Dear anonymous.
You MUST go fuck yourself.

Robert Madewell said...

The threat of hell is probably the most abominable doctrine that religion has. It's no surpise to me that that's all the christians have to say to us. No logic. No reason. Just threats of torture. And they say non-believers are immoral.