Muslims Having Sects

In chapter 49 God says:

Don't raise your voice with Mo!

This is so important, four verses [2-4] tell us it. Gosh.

Line 6. Always ascertain the truth, it sez. What about the four witness from ch 24? Guess we still need them
Line 7 Mohammed aint' gonna do what you want, it's the other way around, Bub.
Line 9, fighting within the cult, needs fisking:

9 If two parties among the Believers fall into a quarrel,[we aint talking about any infiddles. Fuck them, let em fight.] make ye peace between them: but if one of them transgresses beyond bounds [bounds being ??] against the other then fight ye (all)[!] against the one that transgresses [Pile on! No wallflowers!] until it complies with the command of Allah [nothing else matters. They join your cult or you keep fighting. Can you stop if they all get dead first? ]; but if it complies then make peace between them with justice and be fair: for Allah loves those who are fair (and just).

Bounds must be that comply with the will of Allah aka Mohammed. They fight over water rights, camel stealing, wimmen, none of that matters, but let somebody not comply with Allammed, that means every cult member's gotta join in thrashing their ass, and don't stop till they fucken do. THAT's the way to keep the peace, mutherfucker.

10 The Believers are but a single Brotherhood:
I've noticed that. I noticed it in the 1973 oil crisis. There were all those crocodile tears over the plight of their Palestinian brothers, so I calculated the Saudis raked in enough moola to give a million dollars to every person in Gaza and have some left over. Did they? Like bears play pool. They spent it all on American F-16s. Lately there's Dubai, not really helping, not to mention the Iraq 'war', or Islamism in general killing mainly other Muslims. Not true Scotsmen I reckon.
I was waiting at the train station this morning, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off as a train approached.

So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" He said "Why shouldn't I?".

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too! …Are you Christian or Muslim?" He said, "Muslim."

I said, "Me too! …Are you Sunni or Shia?" He said, "Shia."

I said, "Me too! …Are you Ismaeli or Twelver?" He said, "Twelver!"

I said, "Wow! Me too!…Are you Usooli or Akhbari?" He said, "Usooli!"

I said, "Me too! Do you do Itjihad or Taqlid under an Ayatollah?" He said, "I do Itjihad!"

I said, "Me too! Are you Progressive Muslim Union, or Muslim Wakeup?" He said, "Progressive Muslim Union!"

I said, “Wow, so am I! Are you 5th Street Mosque, or 12th Avenue Mosque?” He said Fifth Street Mosque!”

I said, "Die, infidel scum"…and pushed him off.


Verse (11) ... don't laugh, call names, be suspicious, or (12) EAT THE FLESH OF YOUR DEAD BROTHER?? WTF??
Oh, whew. This is just a metaphor for doing something really Ewww. That's a relief.

All the rest = allah is hot shit. Maybe so, but he still can't write a decent metaphor.

1 comment:

PersonalFailure said...

I didn't even know there were inside Muslim jokes. I should go find more . . .