Hey Buddy, Can You Spare God a Dime?

OK, back to the Koran. It's Koran time, Whoo hooo!  So there were these twelve Israeli captains, see, and God gave them their orders. Here's what they gotta do:
Pray. ...... check
make donations. ...... check
swallow whatever codswallop my apostle Mo hands out. ...... check
loan me a few bucks. .... WHAT??!?!?

[5:12]  God did aforetime take a covenant from the Children of Israel, and we appointed twelve captains among them. And God said: "I am with you: if ye (but) establish regular prayers, practise regular charity, believe in my apostles, honour and assist them, and loan to God a beautiful loan, verily I will wipe out from you your evils, and admit you to gardens with rivers flowing beneath; but if any of you, after this, resisteth faith, he hath truly wandered from the path or rectitude."
ROFLMAO! It's not a typo, every translation says that. Give god a loan? What, he's down on his luck, he can't just say “let there be a million bucks” anymore? Why does god need money in the first place? Bills to pay?  Cthuhu is pressing him for the rent?

Once I stopped laughing I asked muslims to explain it, and they said:

“God has promised to return to man every penny that he spends in His way along with His reward,”

That's what the Mormons tell you, give 10% of your gross to the church, (notice the bait & switch there, god --> church) and god will make sure you will get it all back. Poor people say this, mostly.
See, God has a slush fund for after you're dead, where he dispenses Heavenbucks, good only for new harp strings and whatnot. Can't spend them down here.

Give god a loan. Bwaahaahhaahaa.


mac said...

Being as he's been around since the beginning of time and all, I figure he should have plenty of money saved up.

What's the use in being omniscient, if he can't use it to invest wisely?

C'mon, if he's that bad with money, should we trust him with ours?

Seda said...

Wow! That's rich!

(pardon my pun - couldn't resist!)