There is No God But Zaid

The Bible wasn't written by god. It says the Ten commandments were “written by the finger of god” (Genesis 31:18), on stone, no less. Ouch. But then Moses took the tablets with god's writing (Genesis 32:15-16) and broke them all to shit (Genesis 32:19).

Later god says he'd write Moses a new set with the same words (Exodus 34:1), but he lied. He told Moses a completely different bunch of stuff, and then had Moses write it himself (Exodus 34:27-28). So nothing written by god, sorry.

OTOH Mohammedans, like Linda Kulman, say that

“Unlike the Bible, the Koran was not written by men; it was revealed by God through the angel Gabriel to Muhammad over little more than two decades. The Bible, for its part, was written by many men, in multiple languages, and compiled over several centuries. Says Jane Dam-men McAuliffe, dean of the College of Georgetown University and general editor of the Encyclopaedia of the Qur'an: "There's a whole process of collection and redaction."

According to Islamic tradition, the prophet Mohammed received divine revelations, starting around the year 610, and recited them in the public square. But since he was illiterate, he wrote nothing down. (Koran itself means "recitation.") At the time of Muhammad's death in 632, therefore, the Koran existed not as a written book but only as a memorized document, alive in the hearts of those who had heard the Prophet speak and as random notes they had jotted on bones or parchment. Compiling the text became the job of Muhammad's secretary, Zaid ibn Thabit, who completed the task between 644 and 656. The reigning caliph at the time, Uthman, declared Zaid's work the official version of the Koran and ordered all other copies destroyed. Since then, Zaid's text has been off limits to additions or subtractions of any kind.”

1. God told Gabe, Gabe told Mo, Mo told Zaid, and Zaid wrote it down.

2. It was not written by man, but by God.

Therefore, Zaid is god.

Gosh, who knew?


HolyDude said...

There once was a dude called Zaid
Who wrote shit that Mo said
After Mo kicked the bucket
Uthman said "Well... Fuck it"
'Tis time for the 72 to get Laid.

Baal's Bum said...

So am I understanding this
It is a major sin to alter the words of god given to mo,.But by the time they were written down by a man they had been filtered through the ravings of an uneducated madman, via an ethereal sock puppet.
If that wasn't confusing enough, these words have been continually copied using the Arabic of the 7th century while being read by "scholars" ignoring the fact that language changes through time, professing to know exactly what god meant.

uzza said...

HD; damn, dude, you stole my thunder. Check out tomorrow's post.

BB: Sounds like you're understanding it perfectly. What gets me is that Zaid took all those random notes and decided which ones went in the koran, cuz they were god talking, and which ones went in the hadith, cuz they were just the madman talking. No one seems to find that remarkable. Except me, and you know what my remarks are like.