Sura 71, Noah, tells the story of Noah. Besides that glimmer of logic, it stays on topic for its whole 28 verses. Wow. Logic ! Consistency ! Approximately six people, hidden deep in the jungles of the Amazon, don't know this story and anyway it's just another clone of Mohammed's favorite topic, GWFYU, so I got nuthin' to say about it. I marked a few things, though--it mentions those seven heavens Mo visited in his night journey.
Uhhh, actually, no, I don't see. Not even if I look up in the sky, and squint real hard. No heavens. Sorry.
Koran bashers have a field day with these:
I'm not gonna pile on. Sure, it implies the earth is flat, and the moon isn't actually a light, but how literal do we have to be? You'll have a short and unhappy life if every metaphor you hear puts your diapers in a knot. Chill.
Those drowned people had gods named Wadd, Suwa', Yaguth, Ya'uq, and Nasr'. Who knew? Actually, a few super Indiana Jones type archaeologists or historians do know: those were gods worshiped by people back in Mo's day in obscure corners of South Arabia. That's interesting: Noah didn't worship them, and their worshipers all drowned, but thousands of years later people were still worshiping them in Arabia? It's almost like some Arabian guy made all this shit up.
Here's the real insult: Where's Uzza? You motherfuckers, how do you get off talking up gods of south Arabia and not mention the magnificent Star Goddess of the Mornings and Evenings and my two awesome sisters? We demand equal time. At least. Or I won't believe in you any more. Fair's fair, after all.
As usual, it ends with something bad.
Now that's a great prayer. Let's try it out. “O my Lord! Leave not of the Muslims, a single one on earth!” Nice, I like it.
“O my Lord! Leave not of the Christians, a single one on earth! Leave not of the Gays, a single one on earth! Leave not of the Blacks, the Liberals, the Gays, a single one on earth!” Get the red-headed and left-handed people too. And smite the fuck outta all those intolerant people too, Lord. Amen”
Keep in mind that when Noah was egging god on to kill everybody, HIS OWN SON was one of the victims. Speaking as one whose own son is dead, let me just say this: Fuck Noah. I flush better things down the toilet.