4/27/11

Who is Jong Alt?


When Europe was still full of cavepeople, China was all civilized and inventing everything, and one of the things was money. Once there was money they had to invent economics so they could to tell people what to do with their loot. The first economist was a guy named An Ran, and he had a theory.

According to his theory of Ran Fu, a small number of rich superpeople, the Ah Sous, are the "wealth creators."  These Ah Sous use their money to “invest”, which creates new products and services, and more wealth. They have a plan, and it look like this: 
The wealthy Ah Sous are the only 'Producers', who create value and wealth through their own efforts, but there are also bad peeps, the Taek Ers, who want to live off others’ efforts. In Ran Fu, nobody ever does anything, they just sit around pooping themselves until some rich Ah Sou waves money in front of them. This induces them to labor, and they leap up and start working for that Ah Sou.

All the little people are either 'Lut Ers' who want to take money by force, by making businesses obey regulation and pay taxes, in order to seize wealth and gain power over producers; or they are 'Moo Chas' also known as the “Nee Dee” the blind, crippled, sick, and destitute who beg for help just to avoid starvation, disease and death, which makes them even worse than the Lut Ers because they make you feel guilty for being such an Ah Sou.

The Ah Sous are always persecuted. The economy will grow only if the wealth creators keep all the profits, but they have to depend on workers, who always insist on getting paid, which disappears wealth. Worse yet, the government seeks to destroy wealth by taxation, and their guns are bigger than the company's goons' guns. It's hard out there for an Ah Sou.
An Ran believed in his theory of Ran Fu, so he took his money out in a field and sat it there, expecting his investment to create wealth. But it didn't. Every day he woke up in the morning, checked his ding dong bling. But when he stumbled to the table, he saw the same darn thing. Nothing ever got created, no new wealth for the man.

He didn't know how to use tools or build stuff, and besides he might get dirty, so finally he broke down and invented 'advertising'. He wrote a huge advert millions of words long, on bones and turtle shells, so many that they're still digging them up over there, all telling how he needed 'Jong Alt'. This was the old Chinese way of saying a sucker who will do all the work and not get to share any of the profits. We say 'worker' nowadays, or maybe 'slave', but back then everyone was asking the question

Who is Jong Alt?

When they found out, by reading the fine print about no pay, sleep under the workbench, garbage scraps for food, cemetery for a health plan, they were all “It ain't me, babe, I ain't no fucking Jong Alt”, and they all went away to a secluded mountain valley were they created their own secret enclave known as "Ga Tsu Gu Che.” There, everyone worked together, helped each other out, built the Shang dynasty and ruled the known world.

An Ran, meanwhile, was out standing in his field, where he starved to death, and no one thought about Ran Fu again until some crazy lady reinvented it in the twentieth century.

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