Quran vs Bible II

OK, here's the other post from Steve Wells at Dwindling in Unbelief.  In this one he looks at their perspectives on women. It's deficient in profanity, but excellent otherwise.

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The worth of a woman: the Bible vs. the Quran

Don't you love it when the Bible and the Quran agree (more or less) on something? I do. Because whenever they do, you can be pretty sure they're both wrong.

Take the worth of a woman, for example. They go at it from slightly different angles, but come up with the same answer. A woman is worth about half as much as a man.

Here's what the Bible has to say.

And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver.... And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.


And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.


And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver.


And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels. -- Leviticus 27:3-7


So, depending on their age, females are worth 1/2 to 2/3 as much as males.

But what does the Quran say?

Well it doesn't come right out, like the Good Book does, and place a monetary value on human life, male and female. But it does compare the value of men and women from a financial point of view.

Allah chargeth you concerning (the provision for) your children: to the male the equivalent of the portion of two females, and if there be women more than two, then theirs is two-thirds of the inheritance, and if there be one (only) then the half. -- Quran 4:11


... unto the male is the equivalent of the share of two females. -- Quran 4:176


And the Quran tells us just how much we should trust a woman's testimony: it's worth half that of a man's.


And call two witness from among your men, two witnesses. And if two men be not at hand, then a man and two women. -- Quran 2:282

So praised be Jesus and Muhammed (peanut butter and jelly be upon them)! The Bible and the Quran agree: a woman is worth half as much as a man.

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(Once again, all credit goes to Steve Wells at Dwindling in Unbelief.)
And, I'd just like to add, all thinking people agree: a woman is worth exactly as much as a man and the Bible and Quran are both worth half as much as any other book. If that.

Switzerland in the Quran

Since I'm studying the quran, whenever it makes the headlines I go all tingly like I knew stuff, like I was in the loop, instead of here in my mom's basement, typing on the internet.

This week, president Gaddafi, the Lead Lunatic of Libya, says the quran is against Switzerland. Who knew?

He's calling for a jihad against watches and pocket knives. Not a terrorism kind of jihad, cuz that'd be bad, y'unnerstand, only an armed struggle kind of jihad, cuz that's way different, somehow.

Muslims are supposed to go stop Swiss planes from landing, and Swiss ships from docking, and Swiss chocolates from melting in your mouth.

He tells me

“Any Muslim in any part of the world who works with Switzerland is an apostate – is against Muhammad, God and the Qur'an”

Damn, I haven't come to that part yet. The Quran disses Switzerland? Must be in the last chapter.

Or maybe ... Mr Bad Hair is just throwing a tantrum. Those nasty old Swiss arrested his kid just for beating up the help, and now they won't let him build minarets. So he arrested some innocent dudes, took his 5 billion dollars and went home, and now he's telling his peeps Allah wants them to smite his mean old enemies. Where have we heard this before? The Fashion King of the Desert Sands can't just have a new Revelation, though, cuz the final edition is already out. Too bad.

You Have to Look at the Context!

Personal Failure, a really smart person with like the best blog on the interwebz, objected to what I said in my last post. What she said is eminently reasonable, so watch me try to weasel out.

I was being all snotty about verse 5:101

“... do not ask about things which, if made known to you, may vex you.”

and she said she reads it as saying don't ask if you're not prepared to handle the answer.

Of course, we're both applying logic to the koran, = Epic Fail in the first place, but she's absolutely right, that is what my little quote mine implies.  Gawd, I so feel like an ass for trotting this out, but ... aargghhh ...

you have to look at the context 

Overall, the whole book keeps harping on how you've gotta BLEEVE! without question, so there's that. Then zooming in a little, the rest of the verse throws in a great big BUTT

[005:101]  O ye who believe! Ask not questions about things which, if made plain to you, may cause you trouble. But if ye ask about things when the Quran is being revealed, they will be made plain to you, God will forgive those:

So it seems to be comparing two case: asking questions when the quran is being revealed, versus when it's not. 

If it's not, don't ask, cuz the answers will vex you, cause trouble, make you ask more questions, you'll start investigating, be like our buddy Albert, first thing you know you'll invent the PC or the find neurotoxin that makes you see angels. Can't have that shit.

OTOH, if the quran is being revealed when you ask, the answer will be made plain, you won't get vexed, you'll just go lemming along. That fits in with the overall sales pitch of this rag, and that's what god'll forgive you for. 

Thing is, I'd guess the Quran is being revealed to me, since I'm reading the damn thing, but the only way it's making anything plain is by burying it in so much bullshit the surface levels out and grows prairie grass. So the answer is that the guy who wrote it was a damn liar; I'm prepared to deal with that, no problem.

How about it, PF? Am I off the hook?

Don't Ask.

Here's something really ugly. There is simply no excuse for it, none at all. Before I tell you what it is, sit down, grab something, and light up a blunt, 'cause it's really bad. And that's not me talking BTW, it's Arfan Shah, with the breaking news that GASP! some people are criticizing scholars! THE HORROR! When you suspect some beardo is shining you on, you should hold it in and not articulate it, ever. The koran has his back, too:

(5:101) O believers, do not ask about things which, if made known to you, may vex you.

Our buddy Arfan was nice enough to respond to my comment, but their website is screwed up so I could never read his answer. Damn.

All I got was frustrated, better than those two guys in Arizona, they went to a mosque and start asking questions, they got arrested. They cursed, those rascals did. Arrested for 'suspicion of disorderly conduct', something they do in Der Homeland. I miss the United States, where you had to actually commit crimes before they arrested you. I'm sure it'll all be OK once they take over and run the country according to Sharia Law, Biblical Principles, whatever.

There's a reason for the fatwa on questions. It went into the hadith instead of the quran, since Mohammed didn't say Simon Says allah sez first, but here's why:

'The worst criminal among the Muslims is the one who inquired about something which had not been made unlawful, and then it was declared so, because of his inquiry.' (Bukhari et al)

That's the worst? Worse than murder, robbery, or bareing an ankle? Let's see, their holy book tells them this, and these guys go to Ask Imam to find out how to wear their watch? Wtf? And then Imam tells them not to put cow piss on their asshole. Seriously.

Maybe that is good advice. Don't ask—fucken think!

Quran vs Bible

Because I'm lazy, and Steve Wells kicks my ass at blogging, here are a couple of posts from Dwindling in Unbelief. First I thought I should link to them, but then why not just copy the whole thing? This is the first one, it asks

Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran?  

The LORD is a man of war. Exodus 15:3

Fight in the way of Allah. Quran 2:244

Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran? Is there a way to objectively answer such a question?
Well, it wouldn't be easy. But it is possible to compare the amount of cruelty and violence in the two books.
Here is a summary of the highlighted verses in the SAB and SAQ.

	Number of Cruel or Violent Passages
Bible	1121
Quran	520

So the Bible has more than twice as many cruel or violent passages as does the Quran. But the Bible is a much bigger book. How do they compare when size is taken into account?

	Violence and Cruelty	Total verses	Percent
Bible	1121	31173	3.60
Quran	520	6236	8.34

When expressed as a percentage of cruel or violent verses (at least as marked in the SAB/Q), the Quran has more than twice that of the Bible. (8.34 vs. 3.60%)

Of course this analysis does not consider the extent of the cruelty in the marked passages. And that is an important consideration. Is Numbers 31:14-18, for example, more cruel than Quran 5:34? That is something that each person must decide.
A good argument could be made that either book is the most violent and cruel book ever written. The award would go to one or the other, for neither has any close competitors.
It is frightening to think that more than half of the world's population believes in one or the other.

(all credit goes to Steve Wells at Dwindling in Unbelief. All I did was steal it)

Hey Buddy, Can You Spare God a Dime?

OK, back to the Koran. It's Koran time, Whoo hooo!  So there were these twelve Israeli captains, see, and God gave them their orders. Here's what they gotta do:
Pray. ...... check
make donations. ...... check
swallow whatever codswallop my apostle Mo hands out. ...... check
loan me a few bucks. .... WHAT??!?!?

[5:12]  God did aforetime take a covenant from the Children of Israel, and we appointed twelve captains among them. And God said: "I am with you: if ye (but) establish regular prayers, practise regular charity, believe in my apostles, honour and assist them, and loan to God a beautiful loan, verily I will wipe out from you your evils, and admit you to gardens with rivers flowing beneath; but if any of you, after this, resisteth faith, he hath truly wandered from the path or rectitude."

ROFLMAO! It's not a typo, every translation says that. Give god a loan? What, he's down on his luck, he can't just say “let there be a million bucks” anymore? Why does god need money in the first place? Bills to pay?  Cthuhu is pressing him for the rent?

Once I stopped laughing I asked muslims to explain it, and they said:

“God has promised to return to man every penny that he spends in His way along with His reward,”

That's what the Mormons tell you, give 10% of your gross to the church, (notice the bait & switch there, god --> church) and god will make sure you will get it all back. Poor people say this, mostly.
See, God has a slush fund for after you're dead, where he dispenses Heavenbucks, good only for new harp strings and whatnot. Can't spend them down here.

Give god a loan. Bwaahaahhaahaa.