Run for the Hills

(2:159) Truly Safa and Marwa are the symbols of God. Whoever goes on pilgrimage to the House (of God), or on a holy visit, is not guilty of wrong if he walk around them;

Who? What? Googlty google google .......

Safa and Marwa are two hills in Mecca, by the Kaaba. Muslims walk around them as part of their pilgrimage. Nowadays they're in a building, even though they're like 800 yards apart--that's one big-ass mosque! Lol, pilgrims don't have to go to the house, the house came to them. They run back and forth seven times between the two hills, occasionally trampling each other. They do this because of

the Story of Hagar.

Short version = Abraham abandoned his wife and son to die out in the desert, but they managed find water and survive. Gen 21:14-21 That's right, it's in the bible, not mentioned in the koran at all. In fact, this all happened in Beersheba, in southern Israel, so Hagar had to run over a thousand miles before she found water. Plus there are no hills in the story, and no running back and forth on the hills that aren't there.

WTF? (rewind)

Godhammed wouldn't have said this unless somebody was on a pilgrimage, and walking around hills, and somebody objected to it. Turns out the hills were old pagan shrines, with idols on them, male on one and female on the other, turned to stone for screwing in the kaaba. No, seriously. Along with kissing the black stone in the kaaba, pagans would go kiss these idols too. That's pagans for ya, always screwing and kissing.

I'd object to this too if I was a new convert to some cult that said I'd burn in hell for worshiping idols (and I couldn't kiss and screw anymore). This is big trouble for Mo. If he tells people they can't keep their old customs he'll piss everybody off (his major FAIL in Mecca taught him a thing or two)

What's a prophet to do? Make it part of his new cult, natch. Christmas trees, Easter bunnies, ...

How to do this with his cultists who won't stop kissing naked idols? Nothing to it when you're a prophet. Make up a story about Hagar running back and forth looking for water, move it to Arabia, add hills--in other words change the whole fucking story so its unrecognizable, but wtf--and you have a ready-made ancient tradition for your peeps to follow. It's a feature, not a bug!

Metaphor Derails, Kills Thousands

(2:171) The semblance of the infidels is that of a man who shouts to one that cannot hear more than a call and a cry. They are deaf, dumb and blind, and they fail to understand.

If he's dumb he can't shout, so it's the guy he's shouting at that is DD&B & can't understand. IOW, infidels are like somebody who shouts at people who are DD&B etc. Kind of dumb to shout at them, but then I've been known to shout at my my dog, computer, other drivers ....

On the other hand, those non-infidels don't come off looking too good. Who would infidels be shouting at? Non-infidels. Muslims: and muslims can't hear, can't see, can't understand. Is this really what you want to say, Mohammed?

The semblance of the koran is that of a book that uses Mad Libs to make similes.

Faking It.

2:7-18

(2:8) And there are some who, though they say: "We believe in God and the Last Day," (in reality) do not believe.

... and man, god hates them motherfuckers. He spends the next twelve verses telling us so. He even illustrates, with the world's worstest metaphor.

(2:17) They are like a man who kindles a fire, and when its glow has illumined the air God takes away their light leaving them in the dark where they will not be able to see.

Ok, yeah, so let's see, a guy who pretends to believe is like some other guy who a) makes a fire, and b) has god take it away. Oh. How about he's like a camel that goes surfing and a shark eats him? Or how about this one? He's like a teacher who gets caught in a time machine, and goes back the the 7^th century, and TEACHES YOU HOW TO MAKE AN ANALOGY?

Anyhow, it's bad to fake it. So much for Pascal's wager, huh?