The Gospel of Weed

This is such a weird book. I just finished reading Mark. Boy, what a letdown—it was a fifty page summary of Matthew. So I was pumped for something new and interesting. Woot! I got it!

I turned the page and, there in great big letters is just one word: 

LUKE

I dunno what that means, but Google Translate has my back. Turns out it's the Norwegian word for weed. There's nothing to say who wrote it or why it's changing the subject, but I can't wait to see what it has to say about weed, or Proposition 19, or why it's suddenly speaking Norwegian.

Jesus had HIV?

According to South African Pastor Xola Skosana “Jesus was HIV-positive,"

Lol. Not really,

 "Of course, there's no scientific evidence that Jesus had the HI virus in his bloodstream,”

See? It's just a metaphor. He wants to fight AIDS, and he's saying the the big JC always hung with the down and out, and girlfriend, you can't get much more down and out than dying of AIDs in Africa, so if Jesus was here now, that's where he'd be—helping AIDs victims.

"The best gift we can give to people who are HIV-positive is to help de-stigmatise Aids and ..."

Preach it, pastor!

"...it is not enough for us to give people food privately and give them groceries, we must create an environment that's empowering because most people who are HIV-positive will not necessarily die of Aids-related sickness but more of a broken heart, out of rejection,"

http://www.beckijayne.com/pages/crucifixion.html

After this past week you might say the same thing about people who are gay. It's not god that's the problem, it's his idiot followers. Like this other pastor, Mike Bele of the Church of Sanctimonious Pricks:
"The subject of my Jesus being HIV-positive is a scathing matter," he says, displaying his ownership papers for his Jesus, which he bought for thirty pieces of silver. He says Skosana is dragging “the name of Christ to the ground." and that "portraying Jesus as HIV-positive means he becomes part of the problem, not the solution." Kettle, Pot. Pot, Kettle.

Major props to this Skosana guy.

'Little green people' is a racial slur

WTF?

Seriously, wtf, is this real? 

Feminization

Goatse of the Year Bryan Fischer complains that the Medal of Honor has been feminized. How exactly was that done, I wondered. Do the medals have little genitals, so you can go in and do a sex change operation? How do you sex a medal in the first place? Not being sure, I did some research, and LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!111ll!11

That's the Air Force version up there.  The army one has a picture of Minerva on it--another Woman! And the Navy one, OMManlyG, it has a picture of Minerva too, and she's kicking some man's ass. A woman. Beating a man! The Horror! The Horror!!

"Two figures appeared on the inverted five-point star, Discord and Minerva, the goddess who represented both war and the ancient wisdom of the Athenian democracy. On the Medal of Honor, Minerva defends herself with a shield of stars and stripes while she holds for attack an axe in a fasces, a collection of tightly bound sticks that, for the Romans, symbolized authority through unity and singularity of purpose. By contrast, her opponent, Discord, is armed only with writhing serpents."

---Mikaelian, Allen and Wallace, Mike. Medal of Honor: Profiles of America's
Military Heroes from the Civil War to the Present. Hyperion 2002. 

This is kind of interesting, and that noise you hear in the background is Mr. Goatse screaming why would those manly military man's men put such an unmanly thing on their manly medal?  I think there's more to this being a hero gig than he will ever understand.    

The Postscript of Mark

My bible has this little note

[the most reliable early manuscripts omit Mark 16:9-20]

so that's just great, I mean, is it the Word Of Gawd, or isn't it? You'd think you'd be able to tell. God's words oughta be better than words from just some schmuck, maybe make sense, or be in all caps or something. How are you spozed to know? Anyway, here are maybe-god's-words.

  Mark 16:9 When Jesus rose early [about 6:30]on the first day of the week, … I can't halp it, that just cracks me up. ... he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, but nobody'd believe her, they just made PMS jokes, and told her to make coffee.

   12 Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form [possibly a waffle] to two of them ... but they did not believe them either.
What the hell? They're trying to convince me that he rose from the dead, by saying his own damn groupies wouldn't buy it? FAIL.


Next he crashes their dinner, bitches them all out, and tells them to go preach. And get this, remember back in Matt16:4/Mark 8:12, what Jesus said? No signs. They were bugging him for a sign, and he got all pissy and flat out told them, ain't gonna be no signs. Now look what he says, the big fibber.

snake-charming-pastor-got-bit-by-the-law/

17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;
18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.

Wow, no wonder they didn't want this in their book. Aside from making JC out to be a liar, it's a testable hypothesis, yo,—any preacher is a fake if drinking poison kills him.
This is fantastic! We need to adopt this policy Stat, make chugging a pint of cyanide a requirement for a preaching license. That would solve so many problems.

Fuck the USA

The CSPA is a law against human trafficking. Section 404(a) says

… none of the funds ... may be issued to the government of a country … that recruit and use child soldiers.

Last Monday , Obama declared

" ... it is in the national interest of the United States to waive ... 404(a) of the CSPA.

IOW it's in the US interest to pay for enslaving children to fight wars. The same day it served the US interest to torture a child into confessing to crimes. I keep asking myself, is there some level of depravity our elected officials won't sink to, and they keep showing me: No, there isn't. 

Obama specifically identified Chad, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Sudan, and Yemen”, all among the worst countries that are enslaving children to be soldiers, and he supports this.

Take Yemen. “We” are planning to give 1.2 billion dollars--that's twelve hundred million--to a country with 23 million people. That's 52 million dollars for every man woman and child over there! We could give each of them a college education, a fancy mansion and a salary for life. Instead “we” give machine guns to their kids.

Well fuck you Obama, for signing this, and for claiming to represent MY interests when you did it. Just who is this “United States” who wants to torture and kill children? It ain't me. It ain't anyone I know. It's not in my interest to send children to war. If that is what serves the interest of the “United States”, then I am not part of the “United States”, and I don't want to be part of it.

If the United States' interests are to enslave, torture and kill children, then fuck the United States.