This being Int'l Blashpemy Day and all, [well, close to it anyway] here is one of my Sacrillibs. Turned out better than the original.
In the Beginning
In the beginning, there was Shit. God said "Let there be crap!" and there was crap, and it was good. Then God divided the whiskey and made the babes.
He fucked the plants, then the sun, moon and skateboards to hang in the sky. On the fifth day, he made all the creatures of the babes and Muncie, Indiana.
On the sixth day, God made all the animals that live on the land, from the sucky buffalo to the awesome beetle. He also made the first vomit, Adam. He took Adam's ass and made him a wife, Lindsey Lohan. God told them not to eat from the Tree of Tits or surely they would suck.
Adam and Lindsey Lohan lived in the Garden of Boogaloo until a/an skunk convinced Lindsey Lohan to eat the rotten fruit and share with Adam. Right away they realized they were smelly and hid. When God found them, Adam said, "holy shit" God wasn't impressed. They didn't suck, but God was angry and sent them away from Boogaloo.
Eventually, they had two sons, Dumbass and Abel. Dumbass killed Abel and said, "Am I my brother's blowjob?"
these are fun