John the Baptist was running an illegal numbers racket out of his cave in the desert. The Legions got wind of it and he ended up doing hard time in the joint. Word came down to Jesus …
That's how you set up a scene. You don't do like this stupid author and say “when Jesus heard John was in prison”(4:7) and leave your reader wondering what the hell you're talking about. That was on page seven, thirteen chapters ago, now we find out? Great literature my arse; my English teacher would've sent me back a grade for writing like this.
3Now Herod had arrested John and bound him and put him in prison because of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife,
After her ghost rose up out of the grave with a red marker and diagrammed that sentence, I figure Philip is Herod's brother, not John's. Shee-it.
After botching this story, Jesus feeds the five thousand (14:13-18). then he feeds the four thousand (15:29-39). Then he feeds the three thousand, and the two thousand, and the really big bunch, but I guess telling the exact same story twice is enough.
As Chapter fifteen starts out, we find that Jesus' crew was a bunch of slobs, didn't wash before mealtimes. This pissed people off because, well, Ewww, but also it was tradition, was in the bible, or the proto-bible, or whatever. So they called him on it, and as usual Jesus gives them some gibberish answer. Near as I can figure
2 Pharasees: Why do you break the laws?
3 Jesus: neener neener. Why do you break the laws?
4 the book says honor your parents, or get killed, but you say
5 to give offerings to god
6 instead of honoring them.
7 Fucking hypocrites.”
IOW, you're breaking the law, so that makes it ok for me to break the law. Wtf? My kids used to pull that shit all the time, but they were FIVE YEARS OLD. This Jesus guy is turning out to be a real disappointment.
For one thing, back on page (5:17) he said to obey all those old laws he's thumbing his nose at now. For two, hypocrites, pots, kettles.
In 15:16 he calls his apostles dumb again, and then in 21-28 he wasn't going to help a lady because she wasn't Jewish(!), even says non-Jews are dogs. (It's hard to keep stright, bible says non-jews are dogs, koran says jews are apes and pigs; me, I wanna be a Ring-tailed Lemur.)
Earlier, all the talk about the scary muslimsTM made me want to see what their book said, so I slogged and blogged thru that, and it was educational. Muslims are crazier than I thought! About as crazy as people who follow the Old Testament, and there's not enough sin in hell to get me to read that POS.
Everybody says yeah, the OT is harsh, but the New Testament is all about Jesus and his message of flowers and love. Color me doubtful, (a shade of puce) but back when I was dying of cancer (I got better) there were New Testaments cluttering up the hospitals like some kind of perverted dust bunnies, so when people said “you did all that with the Koran and you haven't even read your own book” I stole one, thought I'd call their bluff. Jesus turning out to be a colossal dickwad was not what I expected.
Side note: I once read the entire Book of Mormon. [*word of advice? don't] Missionaries kept throwing down, "well, if you'd read it blablabla", so I fucken did. Then next time they pulled that I told 'em, "I have read it, sucker. I read it last weekend", and they
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