2/28/13

Book Preview


Bill Donahue has written a book, isn't that cute? 








Now you don't have to read it yourself.  You're welcome.


2/23/13

Little Hero Girl


So you're driving down the road and you pass this:


What do you do?

A: Drive on
B: Stop and investigate the mark on that tree

Booo Hiss if you answered A, MAJOR points to fishermen Kraai McClure and Scott Beutler, who went back and looked. Millions of points to Aryanna Huff, that they found down there, next to a 
wrecked car a few hundred feet from the road. Nearby were the two young girls, scared and confused. "They could say their names but were totally in shock," McClure said.
The car had gone off the road and crashed into that tree. Aryana was hurt, but her little sister was hurt worse, and her mother was still behind the wheel--dead.  It was night, cold, wet, they were as far out in the boonies as you can get, and Aryanna was only four years old.

No matter: she got out of the car, got her baby two-year-old sister out, then got a blanket and wrapped them both up to keep warm in near-freezing temperatures. With daylight, Kraai and Scott showed up, and gave this story a happy ending.  

Mr. White and Ms. Brown


This is a question I used to ask when I was a kid. I've really yet to hear a satisfactory answer.  Back then people looked at me as if I'd grown a penis on my forehead, but it seems like nowadays people are asking it again. So here it is.



2/22/13

Today's Quote






Context:

This quote was Grassley's objection to mandating microchips.

 
even though
mandating forcible rape via ultrasound is a republican priority,
and
 not just once, either.



Aside from being an  asshole,
and a Misogynist, he is also a serious  Racist. But mostly,



2/21/13

Moor Lynx


the Beast of Bodwin Moor?

Italy leads the way, showing  the world how to deal with the CIA.

Also in Italy, they're taking on the Vatican. Remember last year when they courts froze $33 million of the Vaticans dollars, and then they unfroze it and prosecutors said they were satisfied that the Vatican's new financial regime would "prevent any repetition of the (bank's) omissions."?  HA, fat chance.
Update: the money launderers regain lost yardage.

Teabagger Norm Hughes worries about "ethnically challenged children". Whhaat?

An OMG! story with a happy ending.  Moral: Owls are tough, srsly.


The country with the highest crime rate in the world. You'll never guess.

 What's the word? Crazy, that's what.  ALL AMERICANS WILL RECEIVE A MICROCHIP IMPLANT IN 2013 PER OBAMACARE

"the organization responsible for more terrorist plots over the last decade than any other is the FBI. With juicy details.   This is the FBI inside the US, not the CIA outside the US.



2/19/13

Disturbing Similarities


Q: Which of these two men does this describe?
LIKES
Gay rights
Marriage equality
Gun control
Gays in the military
Women in combat
Serial killing
Murdering children for having bad parents

A: Both, actually. On the right is Chris Dorner. He had a beef with his boss so he warned him to
"[l]ook your wives/husbands and surviving children directly in the face and tell them the truth as to why your children are dead."
then he shot and killed his boss's daughter and her boyfriend, and then
called the grieving Mr Quan and told him he 'should have done a better job of protecting his daughter.'


He's crazy though, right? Well  here's how
/-team-obama-justifies-the-killing-of-a-16-year-old-american/

ADAMSON: ...It's an American citizen that is being targeted without due process, without trial. And, he's underage. He's a minor.
GIBBS: "I would suggest that you should have a far more responsible father if they are truly concerned about the well being of their children."


Birds of a feather?
Leading by example?

2/17/13

the weekly stupid


The winner of this week's stupid prize:
-----------------------------------------
Grade School Gunslingers.
People believe this shit?  Chris Rodda sure didn't, ROFL.

Question: Are you still pwned if you're too dumb to know you've been pwned?
-----------------------------------------

Runner-up : Germany is sunnier than the Mojave Desert, you'd know this if you watched Fox News.


Then she tries to weasel out of it. Will we let her? Oh, hell no.

"But I incorrectly stated that the chief difference between the U.S. and Germany’s success with solar installations had to do with climate differences on a "Fox and Friends" appearance on Feb. 7. In fact, the difference come down more to subsidies and political priorities and has nothing to with sunshine."

I incorrectedly stated lied because Fox News subsidizes me to promote their political goals, and has nothing to do with sunshine reality.
There, FTFY


Dishonorable mentions go to:


  • Sheriff  Birther Joe is getting his money's worth.  Steven Seagal has spent over 228 years, without a bathroom break, training. 


  • Everyone is unemployed, our roads are falling apart, the planet will soon be uninhabitable, but at least North Carolina congressmen are protecting us from the terrible female nipple


Snow fun




Now THAT's a snowman!  Likely a traffic hazard, coz I'd wreck my car laughing if I went by. This snowboner was erected  gotten up ... oh, read the story.

Too bad they didn't stand firm and keep it up on religious grounds. If a Christian can get wood and erect a cross for Jesus, we can snowball up a dick for Tuptim.  

It reminds me of Calvin & Hobbes' snowmen.  I've made igloos and a 60 foot long snowdragon, but these guys put me to shame.

Also, an ice cold penis gives me an excuse to post this cartoon  (NSFW but hilarious)


2/16/13

Apostle Paul says Bible irrelevant


When religionistas gets on about "You can't have morality without God", here's the perfect response, right out of their own book, courtesy of

Paul's letter to the Romans (New Living Translation)

Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. 15They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. (Romans 2:14-15)

So there you go. God's  "Law" is nothing more than what people do anyway, when they don't even know his old law exists. All the Bible has is shit we already know, so there's no point in even having it, and it's not heathen old me saying it, that's directly from the founder of the church. 

So bookmark this passage and next time some Jesus Junkie starts with this tired old argument you can shoot him down with a quote from his own Founding Father.  ROFL!

 

2/14/13

Cabins


Every news article IN THE ENTIRE WORLD now is about the cabin where Dorner's shootout

 Jesus, people, this is not a cabin, it's big-ass mutherfucken HOUSE!




This is a cabin

2/13/13

Lynx


Senator Brent Hill clutches pearls and faints with "a great deal of concern" when somebody brings a sidearm to the capitol like he voted they should do.


Gayle Trotter has Macho Women With Guns fantasies at a Senate hearing, and that is why we need Elf Daycare.  LOL

Nature comes to the rescue with furry crabs.

Watching TV is bad for sperm.

An Oregon man is screwed by the IRS, but not like usual.

If there's anything to  be said about women serving in combat, Shoshana Johnson 
has said it.

How much is a trillion dollars?  Holy Shit! is how much. 

How much is $11,000,000.00 a year? "A modest salary", sez this banker




2/12/13

Paul weasels out of hell



Paul is going to hell (Matt 5:22)  

Paul, you fool you, you got a problem. Here you go quoting the Old Testicle (Romans 2:6/Psalms62:12)

"He will repay each one according to his works"

 Bad move, dude. Most of your works until lately have been extraordinary renditions, waterboarding, and targeted killings--of Christians, and those Romans you're writing this letter to ain't likely to forget it. With this crazy god of yours it's hard to say, but it seems likely he won't repay those works with streams, fruit and virgins--or whatever.  Buddy, you are so fucked.

Wait, wait, though. Never misunderestimate the contortions a fundy can go through to change bullshit into wine.  He goes on in his longwinded way and he DOES IT. Props!

 bla bla blab bla for 2000+ words to say  it doesn't matter what you do, all that matters is that you have faith in Jebus, coz you're justified by faith.  Nice save, Paul. 

This surprised me. I thought that was just some wacko idea from crazytown where fundys hold rattlesnakes and get creative over one little passage. It's 100 carat Scripture though, just like stoning your daughters wearing mixed fabrics. Paul goes on and on about it. Of all the people who might come up with such loony idea, he'd head the list, he was a regular Dick Cheney before he fell and hit his head, so he's got a lot of works that need forgiven.  All that torturin' and murderin'?  Don't pay that no mind,  AI BELEEVE!1!!!!! 

Clever, this Paul. An asshole, but clever. 

2/11/13

No More Popes!



Well, well, looks like old Ratzi decided to pull a Palin while Raping Children Crime family still has a few members  (the ones in the pews, not the ones in the altar boys). Getting rid of that old gasbag can only be good, but what's coming next is,

The LAST Pope

 According to the ancient prophecy (yeah, I know, but play along)  there will only be one more pope, and while he's infesting it Rome will be destroyed.  And look, already it's starting, their credit cards have been declined. ROFLMAO.

Anyway, for 900 years or so we've been following the Horoscope Prophecy of the Popes, which ends with this next fop, and I guess Armageddon, or maybe another ruling from Justice Scalia. Here's the prediction, see what you think.

In extreme persecution, the seat of the Holy Roman Church will be occupied by Peter the Roman, who will feed the sheep through many tribulations; when they are over, the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the terrible, fearsome Judge will judge his people. The End.

Hmmm. Feed the sheep --millions in restitution payouts? city destroyed--climate change brings major tornado to Ohio? and another ruling like Citizens United? Whatever it is, the Mayans bombed, let's see how this guy does. Fun times. 

2/10/13

Gunslingers


Good Guys With Guns!  Keeping Us Safe! 



Where is more safe than the Intensive Care Unit? This woman should thank the cops for putting her there, where no one else will mistake her and her daughter for this guy

Christopher Dorner, former good guy

"Tragically, we believe this is a case of mistaken identity," sez Chief Charlie Beck. 
An easy mistake to make. Here are two Hispanic women.
not Christopher Dorner

See? You can hardly tell which is which. Helpful note for the LAPD, the women aren't wearing camo.

Right after emptying their guns at these women the cops tried to kill this guy.  

 Notice any difference? Hint: the skinny guy is white. 

 Police said both incidents involved vehicles matching[sic] the description of the one sought in connection with a guy they don't want talking.  That would be a dark grey Nissan Titan, not a light blue Toyota Tacoma.  Missed the color on that too. 



They missed their targets too. All but two of their fifty plus shots went into trees, cars and houses. Gotta cut 'em some slack on that though, the guy's airbag went off so they couldn't SEE WHAT THEY WERE SHOOTING AT. 

These are the highly trained, professional, responsible gun owners the NRA wants to put in all our elementary schools?   Shit,  you might as well just go shoot your kids yourself.


"The enemy combatants in LA are not the citizens and suspects, it’s the police officers."  ---Christopher Dorner



2/9/13

Paul's letter


OK, so the Bible again. I'm up to Paul's letter to the Romans. First impression = this guy is totes longwinded.  Wikipedia explains, this is not a letter, it's an epistle. An epistle, in case you don't use that word every day at work, is a long-winded  letter, that's preachy.

Preachy, Paul has it, if only to the choir. He starts out by telling the Romans he's coming to tell them about Jesus(15) even though the whole world is talking about their faith in Jesus(8)!?!  Dude, shouldn't your efforts be aimed at people who've never heard of the guy, like these pagans?

What pagans did while I was in Catholic school.

What pagans you ask? Well, gay ones--worshiping idols makes you that way, see.

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

 I've never heard it called that before.  "Oh yeah, baby. Recompene in my face!"

That's just a side dish though, he spends most of chapter one telling how they are slanderers, and murderers, and 21 other nasty things(29).


Then Chapter one ends, and Chapter two starts with

 "Don't judge people"(1).

I think I'll stop now.  
 

2/7/13

the weekly stupid


Every time I read the news I see the stupidest thing I've ever heard, so I decided to hold a contest and just blog the one thing that is the most idiotic shit-smearing dumbassery of the entire week. And here it is:




Cary Grove High School in Illinois, who thinks firefights in the hallways are a good idea, with PTSD as a graduation requirement.

The kids might not even notice, they'll be too groggy and sleep-deprived from all the helicopters and fighter jets shooting up the place unexpectedly in the middle of the night.  All this shit is supposed to make us feel SAFE, y'unnerstand.



 Runners up:
 Sen. John Goedde (R-Hypocratia) read a book thirty years ago and now he wants all high school kids to suffer like he did, but mandatory "Atlas Shrugged"?  ! 
 
Bill Donahue. Gay dogs.  Need more be said?


2/6/13

4/13





So ... the Republicans got their ass kicked, so to figure out why all those spicks, niggers and cunts won't vote for them they don't poll well with minorities, they went to a plantation (!)

A Plantation has something to say about their New Plan


Under the new bill he would have won four of the states 13 electoral votes.
And do you know how much it counts an Obama voter as?

Read the whole thing, it's hilarious.


2/5/13

Kids these days


Every time you think this next generation as useless as balls on a cow, they go and do something like this.

2/2/13

Yet Another Aircraft Flown Into a Building



Q:  Should this be considered a terror attack?
 
        A:  if you're in one of the buildings.

2/1/13

Angels of the Sea


Dolphins are in the news this week, being all altruistic as usual and showing how dumb beasts lack the capacity to think moral behavior is a uniquely human attribute common throughout the animal kingdom bestowed by God and Biblethumpers are full of shit.


Here's a video of them forming a living life raft with their bodies in order to help a dying buddy.


Note the one dolphin’s snout above water – this appears to be the dying dolphin that’s being helped to stay afloat.

When they need help, they are smart enough--and more amazingly, trusting enough--to go to people and ask for help.



Or maybe ask sperm whales, like this pod who have adopted a disabled dolphin.


Who knows anything about sperm whales, besides that they dive down deep and do mysterious things where we can't follow them. We don't know what they do down there, or what they're talking about--or singing about.
 Can't think of sperm whales without thinking of Giant Squids, can you?  They're in the news too.


giant-squid-captured-on-video-for-first-time

What IS this thing?


Humans need more humility. Even today, when we can put robots on other planets, we share our own planet with these biggest creatures on earth and we still know next to nothing about them. The Colossal Squid fer example.
How much do YOU know?


[  I missed six :-(  ]